If only The Infinity Gauntlet existed to allow me to snap episodes of Raw like this out of existence.
Raw Thoughts (3/4/19)
- Raw starts the same way that last week's Raw started: Roman Reigns walking to the ring. Roman gets a great reaction from the crowd. Last week was the comeback. This week, "we" take the yard back. Roman says there's one man standing in his way for what he wants: Seth Rollins. He calls Rollins out to the ring. Rollins comes out and hugs Roman.
Rollins promises to win the Universal Championship and bring it back to Raw every single week. Rollins admits that Roman deserves a shot at the championship as well since he had to vacate the championship. Roman puts over Seth as the guy who watched over the WWE while Roman was gone. All Roman has to say is "Good luck." But Roman needs a favor: he wants to get the band back together one last time. Rollins says anything but that after what Ambrose did on the night of Reign's Leukemia announcement. Roman still wants it. Tomorrow's not guaranteed. Life is short. Reigns says Ambrose is making headlines, and he wants one more time to run with his brothers before they all go their separate ways.
Rollins says Roman's right. Life is too short. If he wants The Shield one last time, for Roman, he'll do it. Roman calls out Ambrose. Dean comes out calmly from ringside. Elias comes from behind and smacks a guitar over the back of Ambrose. Rollins and Reigns run off Elias. Dean eventually pulls himself up and walks to the back while Roman and Rollins watch.
Backstage, Drew McIntyre takes credit for killing The Shield. They are just living in the past, which makes them sick. Baron Corbin and Bobby Lashley join in discussing their upcoming 6-Man Tag Match against Braun Strowman, Finn Balor, and Kurt Angle.
(The set-up for the Fastlane Shield-Reunion Match was basically phoned in last week with Roman and Seth helping Dean fight off the 4-1 attack. For what it was, this segment was good. Sometimes, you only have to do the basics in order to do a good segment. Elias continues to do a great Honky Tonk Man impersonation with his guitar shots.)
- Braun Strowman, Finn Balor, and Kurt Angle take on Bobby Lashley, Baron Corbin, and Drew McIntyre. (Finn comes out before the commercial break, and Braun for some reason gets the last introduction even after the heels came out.) Corbin gets manhandled by Braun Strowman early on in and out of the ring. McIntyre gets tagged in and gets assaulted by Braun as well. Finn Balor gets tagged in and gets beaten down. Lashley comes in to get some of Balor. Balor takes Corbin and Lashley out of the ring and dives on them. But Lio stops another dive which allows Lashley to get the advantage going to break.
Finn Balor continues to get beaten down by the heels as we return from break. The little Irishman finally gets away from the big men and tags in Kurt Angle. German Suplexes by Angle to McIntyre. Angle Slam avoided, but the Ankle Lock is locked in. Bobby Lashley comes in to break it up. Glasgow Kiss headbutt to Angle by McIntyre. Another commercial break.
After the break, Angle gets the tag to Braun. Braun charges like a madman. He hits The Running Powerslam. Coup de Grace by Balor. 1-2-Lio Rush stops the pin. Balor chases Rush, but he gets beaten up by Lashley. Braun charges at Rush and puts him through the barricade. But Braun's hurt too. So, the heels take advantage in the ring, with Lashley spearing Balor to get the win.
(I mean Balor is a champion. Of course he's going to get pinned. Unless you are Universal Champion, you are not protected in this company period. Decent enough match. But we've seen this match time and time and time again, I feel. )
After the match, the heels beat down on Balor and Angle with Angle getting smacked into the barricade and steel steps. In the ring, Balor gets hit with the Claymore Kick. And Balor gets driven into the steps by Corbin and Lashley.
- Next, we get a Heavy Machinery promo. Apparently, some of the other teams backstage were caught on camera talking smack about them. The Ascension, in particular, were going off about how stupid Otis is.
(You can tell who has won over Vince McMahon when the same acts get TV time over and over again. Heavy Machinery has been on TV every week since being called up. Has anyone seen EC3 lately? Is he already in Jacksonville? The only thing 1% about EC3 is the amount of TV time he'll be lucky to have by the end of 2019.)
- Natalya takes on Ruby Riott (w/ The Riott Squad) next. We return from break to see Ruby Riott beating down on Natalya. Natalya fights back and gets the Sharpshooter in, but Ruby is able to roll-up Natalya. Natalya reverses it and gets the 3.
After the match, Natalya is on the aisle, and Lacey Evans comes out and walks past Natalya. She then walks back up the aisle and by Natalya.
(Ok. So, all that happened. Let's be real: That match was just an excuse for Lacey Evans to come out and strut down the aisle one more time.)
- A recap of Batista's attack on Ric Flair is shown.
- SNL's Weekend Update guys come in and are announced to be the Special Guest Correspondents for WrestleMania. Stephanie warns them that the superstars are a lot more aggressive than the celebrities they are used to dealing with.
- Triple H comes out to address the Ric Flair situation. (Oh great. We get-uh a 10 minute-uh promo-uh from The Game-uh.) Batista had cut a Instagram account promo on Triple H, telling everyone that he hates Philly. Batista says they are playing by his rules until this game is over.
Triple H goes into worked shoot mode trying to bring up Ric Flair's real name and how great of a man he really is. He goes into Flair's marriages, his son dying, and his health scare. Triple H cuts one of the most ludicrous promos ever, telling Dave Bautista that he'll fight him anywhere and anytime. He says this isn't about characters or storylines. Blah blah blah. (You know what kills me? All we hear from wrestling personalities is how to save and protect the business. Yet, one of the most powerful figures in modern professional wrestling, Triple H (Paul Levesque), came out and basically just said...
1) Everything else you see on this show tonight is a joke. I'm telling the truth.
2) I've been a character every other time you've seen me, but this time I need you to believe me when I say I'm the real deal.
3) I'm doing this because Richard Fleihr got dragged across a floor by Dave Bautista, the movie star, on my, Paul Levesque's, fake TV show.
Yeah. I spit on this promo the way The Iron Sheik would. I put this promo in Camel Clutch. Break its back. Make it humble. Triple H's promo... HACKTUI!)
- Stephanie McMahon is interviewed in the back about Rousey laying down the Raw Women's Championship. All charges against Becky Lynch are dropped. Becky's suspension is lifted. Becky is invited to the arena to sign an agreement to waive all legal responsibilities for the WWE when SHE FACES CHARLOTTE FOR THE RAW WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP AT FASTLANE!
- Roman Reigns meets up with Dean Ambrose in the backstage area.
- Heavy Machinery takes on The Ascension, The B-Team, and Ryder & Hawkins in a gauntlet match. The B-Team is first up. Axel "Flosses." (I give up on this show.) The B-Team gets beaten up by Heavy Machinery. Double Team Powerslam Splash by Heavy Machinery pins Bo Dallas.
B-Team is Eliminated.
The Ascension is next. Konnor is tagged in and is able to get Tucker (the Marty of Heavy Machinery in Vince's eyes) in the corner. He gets beaten up by The Ascension until Otis (the Shawn) can make the big comeback. Otis splashes down and eliminated one of The Ascension.
The Ascension is gone.
Curt Hawkins is left in the ring with the greatness and awesomeness that is Otis. And that losing streak is no match for the amazingness and the deity-like power that is Otis. Heavy Machinery wins.
(I hated this match. God, this show has been a chore to sit through tonight. For everything that went well with last week's show, this show has gone the opposite direction. Then again, a Triple H "worked-shoot-work" promo would make me hate anything. Or was that Paul Levesque cutting a worke.... I'm getting a headache.)
- More bad humor from the SNL crew. (What else is new?) Titus O'Neil does a photo with one of them while No Way Jose's Congo Line passes by. (Dear God, I hate this show.)
- Torrie Wilson's Hall of Fame Induction video is shown. (I was always more a Stacy Keibler fan myself. But good for Torrie. Sable should have gone in first, but good for Torrie Wilson.) Michael Cole thanks ESPNW for the scoop. (AS IF WWE didn't feed that bit of news to them. Please. Facepalm.)
- Charlotte Flair is interviewed backstage. Charlotte guarantees that Becky will sign on the dotted line. The Man doesn't compare to The Queen. Charlotte promises to put Becky on the shelf for good. Charlotte tells the WWE Universe that they get to "Bask in her glory." (HEY! She's not Keith Lee!!!)
- Seth Rollins meets up with Dean Ambrose in the back. Seth tells Dean that he hopes their mutual respect remains. He's his "wrestling soulmate." (What have they been watching: General Hospital?) Dean tells Seth that he's not interested in getting the band back together. He has to go wrestle tonight on his own.
- Elias is in the ring singing a Troll song to Philly when we come back from break.
Elias vs. Ambrose is next. Ambrose and Elias fight to the floor going into the commercial break. After the break, Elias does his Undertaker Old School tribute. But Dean ends up getting back in the match with a Suicide Dive to Elias on the floor. Back in the ring, Dean goes back to work on Elias, but Elias gets a good shot to the back of Ambrose to stop the offense. Elias eventually nails Dean with Drift Away to get the win.
After the match, Roman and Seth come out to the ramp to tease the next attempt to reform The Shield. After the break, Dean refuses to stay in the ring and goes up through the audience. Baron Corbin, Bobby Lashley, and Drew McIntyre come out. Drew calls this whole thing pathetic. McIntyre promises to end this whole thing tonight. McIntyre, Lashley, and Corbin do the old Shield tactic of surrounding their prey before going in for the attack. Dean watches the attack and can't take any more. He runs in and goes after the heels. They fight off Lashley, Corbin, and McIntyre, sending them running from the ring. Roman puts his fist out. Rollins does the same. Ambrose paces the ring, works up the crowd, and finally puts the fist out to unite The Shield one last time.
(Again, this whole thing was basically a no-brainer. The Shield coming back together makes too much sense, even if Dean ends up turning on Roman to lead to a WrestleMania match. I can't hate on this too much, even if The Shield Reunion story has been milked 2 too many times at this point.)
- Tamina vs. Sasha Banks is next. A basic match here with Sasha Banks using her speed and agility against Tamina's power and size. (Tamina's not the greatest wrestler of all time, but you have to respect her for what she's able to do.) Tamina gets caught in The Bank Statement, but Nia pulls out Tamina. Sasha hits a Meteora on Nia on the outside of the ring. Nia distracts Sasha which allows for a superkick by Tamina for the win.
(I can't remember the last time Tamina herself won a match. I am actually looking forward to this match at Fastlane. Nia and Tamina could possibly get the titles this Sunday.)
- More bad SNL comedy. Braun chokes one of them for saying "It's all fake, right?"
- The Revival take on Ricochet and Aleister Black for the Raw Tag Team Championships. Ricochet and Aleister Black say they are ready before the match starts. As we go to our first commercial break, the former Raw Tag Team Champions Chad Gable and Bobby Roode come out. Black gets worked on by The Revival during all of this and past the break. Black finally gets the tag to Ricochet. Ricochet does his insane fast-paced offense on The Revival. Dawson gets sent out of the ring repeatedly by Ricochet. Roode and Gable jump on The Revival, causing the DQ. Black and Ricochet are livid with Roode and Gable. They start going at it in the ring, with Gable and Roode being sent to the floor. Double Flip Pose by Ricochet and Black.
(That match was there. But again, nothing really happened. And this didn't have the time to really tell a story either. It just existed.)
- The last segment of the show is Charlotte and Becky's contract signing for Fastlane with, of course, Stephanie McMahon being front and center.
Loud "Becky" chants from the crowd. Becky looks over the contract before signing it, showing herself to be smart for at least reading something before she signs off on it. Once it is signed, the match is declared on. But RONDA ROUSEY is shown walking through the backstage area. Commercial break.
Ronda Rousey comes out and asks Steph what she is doing. She wanted to include Becky and not be excluded. She wants her title back. Stephanie hands Ronda back her title. At Fastlane, Becky Lynch will face Charlotte Flair. If Becky wins, she will be added to the Raw Women's Championship Match at WrestleMania.
Ronda tells Stephanie that she values her pocketbook more than Charlotte and Becky's bodies. Ronda CUTS a heel promo on the crowd telling them that she's done playing nice. She attacks Charlotte and Becky! She's done playing nice! Armbar on Becky Lynch. Charlotte plays coming into the ring, but she decides not to do it. Ronda just beats the hell out of Becky Lynch. Charlotte continues to play getting in the ring as Ronda continues to torture the arm of Becky Lynch. Rousey continues to assault and beat up Lynch in front of Charlotte. She's doing MMA type offense here instead of trying to do wrestling holds, and it seems a hell of a lot more natural. Lynch is an injured "man" in the ring.
- Stephanie McMahon is interviewed backstage. She calls Rousey an animal. Stephanie feels sorry for Becky Lynch. Ronda is going to get what she has coming to her at WrestleMania.
Overall, I felt Raw was deflated for most of the show. The Shield Reunion seems special, especially since Roman is just now back from fighting leukemia. But they have gone to the well one too many times on Shield Reunions over the last 18 months. As for that Triple H promo, may it rot in the deepest darkest parts of WrestleCrap. Honestly, the best part of this show was the last 18 minutes featuring the women. Again, the women save this show from being an absolute trainwreck.
Spread some awesomeness and take care everyone.
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