Welcome to another post in the continuing series of UnWrest Focus WarGames Edition. When we last left off, WarGames picked back up with an Old School WarGames encounter featuring The Rhodes, Terry Funk, Arn Anderson, and others. Now, it's a year later, and WCW has changed yet again. This time, I'll let you decide if it's for the better.
We're a year into the Hulk Hogan era in WCW. And things are a lot more "cartoony" here than they were in 1994. Hogan has been attacked by the evil forces known as the Dungeon of Doom whose sole purpose in life is to destroy Hulkamania. With a bunch of bad acted promos (King Curtis yelling "SULLIVAN, MY SON!!!), bad gimmicks ("The Zodiac,") old Hogan foes from WWE (Beefcake as "Zodiac," Kamala, Earthquake now "The Shark"), and a heel about the size of Frodo Baggins as the mouthpiece, this was not exactly WCW at its finest right here folks: Hogan Goes Into The Dungeon of Doom .
But it put Hogan as the center of programming. And Randy Savage, a now-mid-card Sting, and the recently returning Lex Luger (who debuted back with the company as the surprise during their first episode of WCW Nitro) are all here to help The Hulkster beat up these monsters. What are you gonna do brother when 1987 comes back to you?!
Let's just get this done...
Fall Brawl '95
September 17, 1995
WarGames
The Hulkamaniacs (Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Sting, and Lex Luger) vs. The Dungeon of Doom (Kamala, The Zodiac, Shark, and Meng)
Michael Buffer does the introductions for us. Fireworks go off while the cage lowers to the ring.
They replay the Mean Gene War Games Rules video from last year.
**Special Stipulation: If The Hulkamaniacs win, Hulk Hogan gets Kevin Sullivan alone in the cage.**
Hearing Michael Buffer have to do these introductions is both hilarious and painful. Shark is from The Great Barrier Reef. Go to hell, 1995 WCW. God. (To be fair, go to hell 1995 wrestling in general. Dungeon of Doom. King Mabel. Isaac Yankem D.D.S. 1995 in general was the one year I almost said "No Mas.") The Hulkamaniacs come out in camouflage. Big ovation for the faces. Heenan: "WE ARE AT WAR!" Jimmy Hart is also dressed in Army attire in a bit of hilariousness. Sting and Shark start us off for their teams.
Sting sneaks in the Shark's ring, but Shark beats him going through the ropes. He continues to pound on Sting. He snapmares Sting and then walks on him. Shark misses a corner splash. Sting unloads with punches at Shark. The camera is so focused on Hogan that we almost miss Sting running the ropes and CLOTHESLINING SHARK INTO THE OTHER RING BY DIVING OVER THE ROPES! Bodyslam to the big man Shark. A second one just results in Shark collapsing on top of Sting. Bearhug by Shark. And he's had it locked in for almost a minute now. Sting gets out by striking Shark and biting at him. Shark nails Sting and sends him into the other ring. Shark goes to DIVE AT STING ACROSS THE ROPES, but he gets caught in between the two rings laying on the top ropes. Sting starts kicking at Shark with punts to the ribs. Sting runs at Shark to splash him, but Shark catches him and throws him to the mat. Shark gets caught again going over the ropes getting in a bad position, and Sting takes advantage. Sting is now kicking at the leg. Timer is up. Less than 17 seconds left. Scorpion Deathlock.
No Coin Toss. Zodiac comes in next. And he's not strutting or cutting. He looks like a zebra though. Sting dropkicks Zodiac using the cage. And the guy's so smart that he ran into it three times. Slam by Sting. Scorpion on Zodiac, but Shark breaks it up. Big elbow drop by Shark. Double team by the heels. Big legdrop by The Shark. Double clothesline to Sting. Meng and Taskmaster are up on the cage looking in. Um... guys. You are in the way of the hard camera. Just saying people didn't pay $35 to see your backs. Sting gets a Double Clothesline! But only Zodiac goes down. The countdown clock malfunctions, but we get the signal...
HERE COMES SAVAGE! Shark and Zodiac get a Savage treatment with punches. Shark attacks Savage while Sting gets his arm pulled by The Dungeon of Doom members on the outside. Savage is getting attacked on the ropes. Sting is helping to fight them off, but Shark and Zodiac keep control. Slam by Shark. Meng reaches through the cage and pulls Savage's leg out. Kamala attacks the leg of Savage. Sting attacks Zodiac.
Here comes KAMALA! Will Kamala job tonight? Let's find out. Kamala attacks Sting. Macho Man attack Zodiac with corner punches, but Shark again comes in for the attack on Savage. Oh boy. This sucks. There is a bunch of punches and body blows here, but there isn't much else to get interested in. Sting is fighting off Kamala. But again, Shark comes in to help Kamala.
HERE COMES LUGER!! Big pop. Luger goes on a tear. Goes after all the heels. Kamala and Shark attack... AND WE GET THE DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE POP OF THE WAR GAMES VIA LUGER!!!! Savage and Luger send Zodiac's head into the cage. Savage double axhandles Shark, knocking him down. This isn't exactly an enthralling match. Shark gets thrown into the cage head first. Luger hit Savage by accident, and Sting has to break them up!!! That's a first for WarGames.
Here comes MENG!!!! Meng attacks all three men and kicks ass. Headbutts, thrust kicks, and strikes by Meng. Luckily, all three keep their noses and ears. So, it's a good night. Kamala works on Luger. Choke by Zodiac on Sting. Meng now chokes Luger in front of the ring. Big thrust kick now to Luger. And now, the guy who we've all been waiting for. The reason why this match is such a slow boring match until he comes to save the day yet again...
IT'S HULK HOGAN! Yah. Hogan throws powder in the heels' faces. And he goes after Shark in the second ring. Kamala gets some too. Brutus... I mean Zodiac gets chopped and attacked by Hogan between the ring and goofily bounces off the ropes and back to Hogan each time. Headbutts into the turnbuckle by Hogan. Hogan now works on Shark. Hogan scratches Zodiac in the back. Zodiac goes into the cage. Meng and Sting go at it in the ring. I do not like Green Eggs and Ham. I do not like them Sam I Am. Hogan continues to work on Zodiac with Luger. Hogan and Meng go at it. Meng goes into the cage. Kneedrop to the face of Meng by Savage. The Dungeon of Doom are no match for Hulk Hogan brother! Zodiac goes into the cage. Hogan puts on THE CAMEL CLUTCH! And Zodiac gives up.
Winners: Hulkamaniacs.
Match Grade: F-. And ladies and gentlemen, we have a NEW WORST WarGames match in my opinion. The problem with this one is this: It's Hogan's former enemies from another company with terrible gimmicks against the four best wrestlers in the company. But it's all one big valentine to the awesomeness that is Hulk Hogan. That's all well and good. And I love a good Hulk Hogan match just like anyone. But it doesn't make for a compelling WarGames. At no time in this match was Hogan or the match ever in doubt or trouble. This was pathetic. At least with the 1993 WarGames, there was some doubt, blood, and action going on that was at least somewhat an attempt to be entertaining. This just wasn't. So, congratulations, Fred Ottman. You are no longer at the bottom of my list. However, for ruining WarGames, Dungeon of Doom, Hulkamaniacs, and whomever booked this.... to quote another WCW alumnus...
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
WarGames Ranked (Thus Far)
1. WarGames (1992)- The Dangerous Alliance vs. Sting's Squadron
2. WarGames (1988)- Horsemen vs. Dusty's Team
3. WarGames (1991)- The Horsemen/Zbyzsko vs. Sting, The Steiners, and Pillman
4. WarGames I (1987)- The Four Horsemen vs. The Dream Team
5. WarGames (1994)- The Rhodes and The Nastys vs. The Stud Stable
6. WarGames (1989) - Road Warriors/ Midnight Express/Dr.Death vs. Freebirds/Samoans
7. WarGames II (1987)- The Four Horsemen vs. The Superpowers
8. WarGames (1993)- Sid, Vader, Harlem Heat vs. Sting, Bulldog, Dustin Rhodes, and Shockmaster
9. WarGames (1995)- Hulkamaniacs vs. The Dungeon of Doom
_ _ _ _ _ _
On the next UnWrest Focus WarGames Edition, we're getting Team WCW vs Team nWo. Is this going to be the last great WarGames in WCW's history or has that ship already sailed?
Until next time, take care of yourselves. Spread some awesomeness.
Comments
Post a Comment